Does it stop..... ever?
When we write this article, the rumours has been going on for several weeks. The question everyone ask is: "Is Justin Timberlake, from the famous boyband 'Nsync, the next victim of the new paranoia - this hysterical wannabe Shagging Sheep lookalike phenomena??" We decided to give mr. Timberlake a call, and here is what he said:
The Interviewer: Am I speaking to Justin Timberlake? However, this didn't make much sence to us, so we tried to get a comment from one of his (girl)friends. She wishes, of course, to be anonymous. Well, when I first met him everything seemed to be OK. I mean, the sex was fantastic and... er... I mean, I'm still a virgin... but I've just heard this rumours about it. One day I caught him watching "Animal Planet". It's nothing wrong with that... that is, if you're wearing pants and don't use your hands the way he did. And I haven't even mentioned the vacuum cleaner, the umbrella and the vaseline. I tried to shout at him: "Hit me baby one more time", but he didn't react. At that point I realized that something had to be mindboggingly wrong. Then I found them. The records of Shagging Sheep. I will definitely not marry this guy after this... no, I mean... SHIT... oops, I did it again.
By the way, the picture above has nothing to do with neither the anonymous (girl)friend nor the rumours about Justin Timberlake getting married to Britney Spears... Baaaahhhhh!!! Shagging Sheep was not available for comments to any of this.
After we wrote this article I got
hold of this paparazzi photograph showing Justin and his twin brother Juston in
companionsheep with Gorgon Berømt's and dr. Nervan's favourite sheep. SAY NO MORE!!!
We think it's high time to amend this situation. Hence, we proudly present some of the
faithful, hard working professionals behind the scene. First man out is the director of
Shagging Sheep Promotion, mr. Modulf B. Støvhagen jr. Say hello to Modulf, everybody!
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New look or just an accident?
Until this meeting we would have considered a guy with fake diamonds and rubys (and very bad ones, as well) on his glasses to be just another idiot. Then we ran into Roman Bender. His glasses looked like something a kid had thrown away in disgust. Mr. Bender had also got himself a new haircut. Actually he had cut of all of his hair, and his head was kinda sunburned. We tried to get a comment, but as always he was in a hurry. After collecting his four prizes (best production, coldest beer, most drunk during recording, nice cases), he made a heroic exit and disappeared in a helicopter while shouting at the reporters: "Don't you listen, 'em sheep are nothing but liars...!!" Those were the days...!!
The year was 1972 and love was in the air - mixed with marihuana smoke, of course.
For the first time Lord Svartfaen was bringing with him Berit Speilku Tvileren to meet
the public.
The two lovers had met three months earlier, behind the stage at the Bavarian Krautpunk Rock
Festival in Hochkirsch Pflügendorff am Nagelkirchenhölle. Lord was playing
at the festival with his band - The Varme Pølser - and Berit
had been hanging around the guys for months.
"I was bewitched by her hair", Lord always answers when people ask what made him
give up his promising rock career for this girl. 'Cause nobody could ever have guessed that
when Lord walked off the stage that night, it would be many years before he ever entered a
stage again. His unexpected disappearance started a flood of rumours, of course. However, one
month later at the Hard Rock Cafe in Nairobi, a paparazzi photographer spots him having dinner
with his sweetheart. And "pop" goes the secret!
So, at the 1972 Tit Awards Show, they finally appeared together in public. Berit was making quite
an impression in her daring make-up from Christine van Gloss, and a discreet but beautiful
neckless with a single exclusive zapphire. Lord attracts attention, too, wearing an
elegant silk shirt designed by the fashion genius Paul Faggington, and he has changed his
hairdo especially for this occation, making a striking match to Berit's lovely curls. Yes,
you guessed right! It was Berit who first inspired the hairdo which Lord introduced
to his fellow members in Shagging Sheep so many years later.
The questions were many when the press met the couple outside after the show. The months of
silence had been fuel for speculations: has Lord become a straight, dull Mr. Nobody? Has he
really settled in a pond of boredom, with a wife, a dog and a big, fucking lawnmower? Can
he possibly be content with normality?
Our celebrity reporter in UHM at that time, Mr. Dean Boner, was the first to squeeze in a
question in the hoolabaloo: "Hey, Lord! What was Berit's engagement present for
you?" Lord Svartfaen gave the crowd a shy smile before he looked his darling in the
eyes. "She gave me a wollen scarf with cute little lambs on it", he said, giving
her a warm smile. "How very romantic, Lord", Mr. Boner replied, "but
I can't help noticing that you're not wearing it tonight. Where is it?" Lord eyed him
slowly, looking a bit puzzled. "Why, I smoked it of cource", he replied. At
this point the crowd exploded in cheering and shouting. Some of the photographers tossed
their cameras into the air. Oh, yes! This was indeed the Lord they all knew!
And now, almost three decades later, we can safely say that this is still the Lord we all
know so very well!
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Most people mainly associate quality artists
with pure art, creativity and ideas. But, ugly as it may sound, there is also a commercial
side of any success. Not many fans are aware of the devoted people working day and night
to make these big ventures run as smooth as possible.
And while we're at it: meet the beautiful masseuse Celena Blowfox! She's quite famous in the
business for her little magic twist, making tensed musicians relax and gather strength after
a hard day's night.
When Roman Bender, composer and member of the world-famous band Shagging Sheep, arrived
at the annual "Stockchestershire Composting and Award-winning Global
Television All Star Show" he once again managed to steal the show even before it
started. With his new glasses and haircut he gave a very clear message to the other
nominees: "Don't fuck with me!!"
